Being in a relationship is Mind-blowing and Mind-boggling as well. There is nothing more simpler and much more complex than being together. The means of being alone for so many years, I thought that I was free to make all the worst and best decisions in my life without considering anyone. But I was wrong, not just plain wrong, rock-bottomed wrong.
Each and every decision I made right from my early childhood days are a series of accumulations, a culmination of my experiences involving my parents, friends and the society. I was okay with it. No one asked me ‘why’ intentionally.
You go on like this and suddenly altogether you are enjoying the initial moments of an elated relationship. Those are really great memories, Every thing you see or feel has a new meaning to it and adds a new flavor which you have never experienced. You start to think that life is awesome and nothing else and you can’t take this much of happiness. Then comes the hook to which you are going to hang the rest of your lives unless you know the simplicity of a healthy self-sustaining relationship.
Yes I meant it! A self sustaining relationship. You don’t have to add anything to it. It will flow to you if you let it. Just like the old times where you will be having an unimaginable blast of joy with your loved ones when you first met.
Caution: I’m not going to give any relationship advice or tip nor that I’m qualified to do so. I’m just a common man trying to improve my relationship by going back to joyous times when I started out.
Back to my case, I’m in a bond with a beautiful girl for more than 2 years now; in which we had more fights, more arguments, more disapproval’s and with a lot more happy moments.
Many say that “The deeper you get in a relationship, the deeper will be your level of understanding and happiness of being together.”
But does that work? I mean, we all are happy together when things go smoothly like that way we expect. Once it gets to vary slightly, we go awry.
For instance, When we started dating, we were so down to earth for the other person, so willing to wait on others, to make her pleased but while things start to shape up, we tend to see our short comings. In fact, We can even omit these stuff as normal happenings but once it gets out of hand, we are really displeased on each others behavior; even though it is short-lived. This had a huge impact on our relationship.
I was really annoyed when she is late for something, I want her to be on time and I expect to meet my needs (Read Demands). Likewise she also expected and did say things in her own way; like making me cancel my outing with my friends, asking me to accompany her to a place which I don’t like going to.
A fair share of Ego’s. So one fine day, after lot of discrepancies I decided to think it out:
Why are we not the same in a longer relationship?
We see each other, date and then after some years we do love each other with our hearts out but we do feel bored now and then. We can aid on being alone respecting each others personal space; even though it won’t be the solution. Right? We have had a many disputes even after being alone.
So I googled for a happy relationship. (Sounds brilliant isn’t it?) and found out the ready-made tailored solutions asking me to :
Throw parties, Visit some new places, Make surprise visits, discover things together.
I’m still not convinced, the above said solutions critically employs money. But Love can’t depend on money or just interest.
On reliving the incident after some time, our true nature was revealed to us.
I can’t stand her being late and I expect her to improve. Is that required to meet my expectations? Even I can’t accept the thought, how can she? I can’t expect her to be perfect, knowing that it’s all right to be imperfect myself.
We both are over looking our own errors and judging others to be perfect or to act the way we expect. Most of us, do this big time and it’s certainly hasn’t done any good for me rather bringing up unwanted spats and catastrophes.
I’m not a bad person nor an unhappy couple, but we did this unknowingly, thinking of caring more for each other; just when reaching our end points. Over pouring of love is an option if the other person is willing to accept it or on a similar frequency and it takes a long time. Instead we started to expect less from each other like,
Giving in, while one of us is upset.
Keeping our voices to minimal when we are angry ( This worked out really well) It is said that our voices are raised since the distance between our hearts are huge, so if you keep it down anything between us will cool of.
Giving more space to move over freely when being alone or being together. (Yes, we also try to interfere when our mates are alone with themselves)
Accepting that the other person is equal and he/she does make mistakes.
And always remembering that it is our loved ones who we are angry at.
Yes, you heard me. I want you to be perfect, the one without any flaws, even if you have any; those shouldn’t be detectable by me.
And I always cherish you for your perfectness known only to me.
I’m sure that you too have something to say to me and to a whole bunch of others. Please do so in the comments below.
See Everything, Be Nothing