How to kill the old person by the alley

There are many possibilities for me to be defeated, suspected, cheated or impaired. I can give up at any time or give in a fight, a battle with a much stronger vigor and valor. I can win a few skirmishes and lose many in a day or in an entire lifetime.

But I can’t be enraged at you nor can I be composed and serene for what you have given me. I can’t wait on and hold you responsible for what I have done or you have made me to do. Though I don’t know me (yet), I can’t denounce you for the circumstances you bestow on me.

For many may arise to enhance and confiscate something from the everlasting debris. Even though it would be dreadful to make my demise to intrude neither others nor that I have the control to do so.

I am one of the many men you have taught methods none could have mastered, whom you devolve, and whom you make righteous scoundrels or back broken saints. It is you who cultivate, culminate, dissipate and depreciate for the start and the absolute dwindle.

As everyone knows, one thing is evident is that they are astonished in your presence and always searching for you now and then. For they aspire your offerings and despise you for the succor you provide for the greater gain.

I may not be in total control but I do have a stance which is prodigious and colossal and that’s certainly not at you. To compete against you aren’t my intentions, to disobey and dislike are mine.

I am aware of my stance on you making matters strenuous and to treat you like the way you expect is not fruitful.

So be it and I may endure still, until I live and each phase will be triumphant to strive for more. Each time I wake up, I walk out of your way.

Each time I take a detour, not for its harmlessness but for its agility and unknown values.

You give me adverse conditions in which I may rise or fall, as I have to go by you, as you are eternal.

With no going back, I make myself clear that I won’t rest upon you for my slip ups and muddles.

At this juncture, I remember an occurrence a couple of days back which I would like to share.

I saw it on a hot Saturday afternoon as I was waiting for the public transport to home where my senses were intensified by magnificence.

One of the greatest asset of humanity is his thought process, regardless of it being noble or corrupt. In a nanosecond you could be anywhere and be specific as well. You have the ability to teleport mentally and I believe physically as well once you have met the prerequisites as in earthly terms in which the former is simpler and the latter requires a great deal of perfection.

The whole world knows that humans can think and their most innate character is imagination. All I ask you is to paint a picture so wise and vivid. Even though it’s our nature to look at things, my thoughts humbly requests you to do so.

Back to when I was waiting with many multitudes, a roadside book shack was brought to my attention through my senses. It was small comprised of a tarpaulin sheet laid over a bench mostly comprised of regional novels and not internationals. The ephemeral gentleman was a bit flabby, dressed in long pyjamas and had vibhuti on his forehead. He was smiling and didn’t talk much. While I was in his store browsing through the books, he didn’t take the strain of persuading rather he roamed around as if he was a passerby.

A chinese resemblance!

A Chinese resemblance!

A couple of yards next to him were two men, at one yard distance each. Both were having a full-grown beard where the former was a half-naked old man in his late seventies whose survival is by mending shoes and the latter, a tall man resting on a stone pillar remains, smoking a cigar doing nothing for his survival except having a look at the old man, I  presume. Both looked deeply stricken by poverty and the trickery is that the tall man had a willful smile in his face whereas the old man had frustration and hatred.

Smiling man: Hey you!

Old man: (Keeps his thoughts to himself, as he was busy with his ongoing works though no effort was employed.)

Smiling man: Hey old fella, look at me. Don’t you hear me? Are you dumb?

Old man: Looks up annoyed. Go away you imprudent wretch. Can’t you see I have crucial affairs of great magnitude and this means a lot to me (Regrets for lost moment for some time and continues his work)

Smiling man: You fool, it’s because of me you are here and responding to me should be your ultimate purpose.

Old man: Don’t muddy the waters and put me in deception, you debased soul! Don’t come near me, I am much more than you.

Smiling man: (Not at all listening to what the old man said) throws a stone at him knowing that he wont be hurt. You should listen to what I say! Got that?

Old man: Clearly infuriated, shouts at the other man for giving him obstacles, thus delaying his plot. He wails at the mob to look into this discrepancy.

Mob: (The mob, no different from the old man) as they are stagnant and speechless on the plea.

Smiling man: Finishes off the cigar and takes a new one from his sack and starts off the same phenomenon.

Old man: Gives the same approach for similar consequences.

And this goes on and on forever in all but vain.

It is well-known that any occurrence can be interpreted in infinite fashions and the best thing to do is to leave an incomplete way leaving a lot of possibilities to look out.

Now relive this incident which is so fragile and vague to discuss as there are countless aspects to deviate and to be simple.

You are always on the move and always waiting for the next move. Your movement and waiting goes hand in hand. You are waiting for the move and moving from the wait in return. That’s where you come to realize ‘time’ (The book seller). Time doesn’t imply anything to you rather it keeps mum with a calm note thus only letting you know what you should.

Time doesn’t interfere nor is it independent. It varies upon you, on the actions you employ on your own.

Most people say that time is independent but it is not!

As different time frames coexist in this physical yet impersonal and vivid reality, there are certain time frames exist in our brains which creates an alternate reality which is acknowledged only when you are at chaos.We take the other reality so seriously that we are trying in vain to manage it, as trained to do so constantly.

Whatever you do, after a certain period it gets altered as per your course of action.

When you are moving on from time, you tend to see boundless opportunities and vast experiences that you are not yet aware of. As you sit in your alley and workout your own purpose, you will be frustrated thus having a lot more on your plate than you can manage and to give shape to values you matter the most and not what you have.

In fact you are trying to create a space where you are the controller and not the controlled. On constant self-denial, you would not be satisfied on how uncontrollable things are being channeled. But this is the greatest trap you are fitting yourself into.

As life (smiling man) calls, you despise, remorse it as deceptions and deceits. Because you think life as an entity, an entity that makes you complete, that makes you whole. You do not think of life as the other self you encounter every second. So it keeps on pestering you, pelting stones at and gives you crutches making you crippled and needful.

Life affords all the worthy possibilities you are entitled and capable of but in the end you tend to diminish it for all its melancholy and gloom.

Life (Smiling man smoking cigar) makes you unstable, makes you strive but it engages with you throughout the journey thus giving it energy for you to absorb. All we do is to compete and participate not to lose and blame our great lives for our own results. The natures we are at, play close to us.

Until we stop doing this sacrilege at our own lives, we don’t get to move rather we stagnate and eventually perish. But once we accept that life is not an entity outside of ourselves to attain, not a force, not energy but the very core of own being.

Then your whole existence will be overflowing with life, with you , it is the only essence on which we ramble these masses through which you move on as a whole being. There will be discrepancies, discomforts will arise, thoughts will dislocate and be disclosed but don’t you lose heart, as you even seize a small moment then your life won’t let you down.

© Rajkumar Mahendran

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Rajkumar Mahendran
Be Nothing, See Everything


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